


leave your words, take my hand

by colourmeblue



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 18:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5939266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colourmeblue/pseuds/colourmeblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“<em>You</em> destroyed me,” Clarke spits venomously. “I’m <em>already</em> destroyed. There’s nothing left.”</p><p>Lexa swallows. She hates this. “I don’t believe that. It would take more than one person to destroy you.”</p><p>(or, the missing moments from 3x03)</p>
            </blockquote>





	leave your words, take my hand

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I had many feelings about 3x03, so this is a short little thing.

“Wait.”

Lexa stops immediately. Because when Clarke Griffin tells her to wait, then she’s going to wait.

“I have a better idea.”

Lexa is sure that _anything_ is a better idea than Clarke having a knife pressed to her throat. It isn’t that she’s scared of being killed by Clarke. No, Lexa knows her better than that. Clarke doesn’t want another’s blood on her hands after everything that she’s done. What destroys Lexa is the look in Clarke’s eyes. Lexa knows that she deserves everything that Clarke has been throwing at her. She had abandoned her, had _broken_ her, and had forced her hand. Lexa’s in charge of the entire Coalition, she isn’t used to betraying people.

Lexa has thought a lot about it in the past three months. She’s come to realise that it hurt because she _had_ considered Clarke one of her people. Someone she was thoroughly attached to and would do anything for. But, technically, that wasn’t the case. Clarke _wasn’t_ one of her people. She wasn’t a member of her Coalition, and therefore, she was pushed to the side by default.

There have been many moments in her life where Lexa’s hated her position as Commander, but nothing stung her quite like Mount Weather.

Nothing stung her quite like Clarke.

Lexa remains silent as she waits for Clarke to speak. During the few times she’s seen her this week, Lexa has learned that keeping her mouth shut is the most effective way to not make Clarke angry.

The room is quiet for a long moment before Clarke speaks again. “I’ll bow.”

Lexa’s reaction is subtle, as always, but she knows Clarke will pick up on it. She blinks once, her lips parting slightly as she takes in the words. “You don’t have to, Clarke.”

Clarke crosses her arms over her chest, and Lexa can tell instantly that it’s a form of defence. Her eyes are still filled with unshed tears, and Lexa hopes they don’t start to fall. “You told me to bow to you just hours ago. You said that war was brewing and that you _needed_ me.”

“I _offered_ the Coalition to you, Clarke,” Lexa argues. “But I can see now that was a mistake.” She then lowers her voice, pausing a moment before continuing. “I can see this is destroying you. I never wanted that for you.”

“ _You_ destroyed me,” Clarke spits venomously. “I’m _already_ destroyed. There’s nothing left.”

Lexa swallows. She hates this. “I don’t believe that. It would take more than one person to destroy you.”

Clarke holds her gaze for a moment before sighing. “If I don’t do this, your Coalition will go under. This is the best thing for both of us. I don’t want the Ice Nation taking over any more than you do. We can make the smart move, together, or you can let me go and lose your chance at proving you have control of Wanheda.”

Lexa’s mouth twitches. As much as she hates having to make Clarke bow to her, she knows this is the only option. This is the only thing that would appease the Ice Nation. She would put on a show for the people who require it, but after that, she promises herself that she’s going to do her best to make it up to Clarke. In whatever way she can. She bites back what she wants to say and replies, “Okay. I will send somebody in to prepare you after you see your mother.” She pauses for a moment, debating on whether to say what she wants to say to her. In the end, it comes out in barely a whisper, “It hurts me to know that I did this to you.”

Lexa barely looks at Clarke before she leaves the room. She knows that if she looks at her for another moment, she’ll end up saying all the things she’s been swallowing down since Clarke’s arrival in Polis. She’s told herself time and time again that love is weakness, and that she can’t focus on her feelings when she has to focus on being Commander. She has to stand by that, she tells herself. She doesn’t want to make Clarke feel guilty in any way, but she needs Clarke to know how sorry she is.

Maybe Titus is right. Maybe she is in over her head with Clarke.

Lexa’s sure that Titus is beginning to suspect that Clarke is special to her. She knows that Indra _definitely_ isn’t clueless when it comes to Lexa’s feelings for Clarke. If Queen Nia saw the two of them together, she would easily figure it out as well. Lexa knows that the more people who find out, the more dangerous it will be.

But Lexa was unable to fight it last time. Now, Clarke is to become one of _her_ people. Officially an ally. She knows it will be even harder for her this time around.

Lexa lets out a heavy breath as the doors to Clarke’s room shut behind her. She tries to tell herself that she won’t let Clarke see through her, and that she won’t let anyone else either.

\------

The next few hours are busy for Lexa, her mind preoccupied on the decision she’s made. Titus was right in saying that the other clans won’t be happy about the Sky People joining the Coalition, but _she knows_ she’s right in saying that they don’t have a choice but to accept it. _She’s_ their Commander. This is _her_ Coalition. _She_ fought for it. _She_ has control. She won’t let anyone take that power away from her.

She made a promise to herself a long time ago that she would never let herself feel inferior to Queen Nia ever again.

Despite her raging thoughts, Lexa remains calm and focused as she readies herself for the summit. It’s a formal event that requires her to wear a dress and have full make-up. That part doesn’t bother her so much, but she’s so used to being dirty and scarred on the battlefield that it’s almost a foreign feeling to her when she returns to Polis. She’s used to using a sword to do battle, not use her words for political purposes, even if she’s trained to do both.

Normally, she has her handmaidens with her to help her get ready, but this time, she chooses to be alone. There’s too much going on in her mind to worry about other people in the room.

She has just about finished her eye make-up when three knocks on the door indicate that she’s out of time. She turns her head towards her window, the sun is beginning to go down. These are the last few moments of Clarke being her ‘enemy’. Soon she would become her ally, and Lexa thinks that just maybe, she won’t ever have to choose between Clarke and her people ever again.

“Enter,” Lexa says, already knowing that it’s Titus come to collect her.

“Heda,” Titus addresses her politely. “Are you ready?”

“In a moment, Titus.” Her voice is calm as she finishes the last of her touch-ups.

“Pardon my asking, Heda…” Titus’s voice is hesitant. “But are you really sure about this? Skaikru were our enemies when they first came here. They killed hundreds of your warriors. _Our_ people. And now you wish to formally become their allies?”

“It’s the best thing for all of us,” Lexa replies confidently. And she truly believes it. “The Sky People will no longer be a threat to us, and we will be able to keep them safe from the Ice Nation.”

“I mean no disrespect, but if the Ice Nation are after Wanheda, what business is it of yours?” Titus asks, and Lexa can tell he’s genuinely curious.

Lexa clenches her jaw. “We cannot let the power of Wanheda fall into the hands of Queen Nia. You know that.” It’s partly true, of course. If Nia had the power of Wanheda, then she would be unstoppable. She would be able to take over the Coalition and Lexa would surely die. But, that isn’t the only reason. She can’t let Clarke die. Not in the way that Costia had. Not in _any_ way.

“A treaty would suffice, there is no need to—”

“ _Enough_ , Titus.” Lexa’s voice is firm. She knows he’s only trying to help, but she can’t take it anymore. “I don’t need you to question me. _I_ am the Commander. I know what I’m doing.”

Titus looks like he wants to say something more, but he doesn’t. “My apologies, Heda.”

Lexa nods once before rising from her seat. “Go on ahead, I’ll be there in a moment.” She waits until Titus leaves the room before letting out an irritated sigh.

What Titus doesn’t know is that a treaty _won’t_ suffice. Not for her, or for Clarke. A treaty won’t stop the Ice Nation from going after Clarke, but Wanheda bowing before Lexa? That’s something that Queen Nia can not ignore. That would be a true display of Lexa’s power; something that would hopefully silence everyone who has been questioning her abilities.

Refusing to think any more on the subject, Lexa leaves the confines of her room. She wanders down the halls to where the summit will be taking place. Once she reaches the correct hallway, she can see that people are already gathering inside the room. She quickens her pace, as being late to her own summit would not be the best way to break the news of their brand new thirteenth clan. As she approaches the door, she is cut off by a figure that she doesn’t recognise at first. She is about to demand an explanation from them, before realising it’s Clarke.

Fully braided hair, war paint, and an outfit that accentuated every part of her body. It’s no wonder Lexa didn’t recognise her. She’s stunning.

Lexa’s eyes briefly flicker down her body, taking in as much as she can before Clarke notices. Being this attracted to Clarke is really becoming an issue for her.

Unfortunately, Clarke is far too quick for her. When Lexa’s eyes return to her face, Clarke’s looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa apologises. She knows it’s rude of her to stare, but she can’t quite help it. She swallows before speaking again. “I don’t think you know how well that suits you, Clarke.” She’s careful with her compliments, because she knows she’s still on thin ice with Clarke. She doesn’t want to say or do anything that would rock the boat.

Clarke keeps her eyes locked on Lexa’s. “Your handmaidens do a great job.”

Lexa’s voice drops to a low murmur, “Yes, they do.”

Clarke looks at her for a moment, her eyes quickly scanning Lexa as well. Clarke’s not the only one who’s stunning in formalwear. Lexa sees Clarke’s eyes land on her arm tattoo before she speaks again. “We should probably get inside,” Clarke suggests. “I don’t think either of us should be late.”

Lexa’s gaze softens. She misses talking to Clarke like this. She misses having conversations with her that aren’t about war or politics and doesn’t involve yelling. Her heart swells at the idea of Clarke staying in Polis, even if only for a little while. Maybe she has a chance of having more moments like this with her. “You’re right.” She eventually nods. “I’ll see you inside, Clarke.” She says Clarke’s name tenderly, as if it was the last thing she’s ever going to say.

Lexa can feel Clarke’s eyes on her as she moves towards the door, and it makes her stand a little taller as she walks.

\------

Clarke has always found Lexa attractive.

There’s no question that the young woman is gorgeous, even if she’s wearing battle armour and is covered in blood. There’s something about her that draws Clarke in. Maybe it’s the affectionate gaze and soft voice, despite the Commander exterior. Maybe it’s the fact that Lexa treats her differently than everyone else.

Ever since the kiss they shared, Clarke’s been well aware of Lexa’s feelings for her. She’s also been well aware of _her own_ feelings for Lexa. Despite that, she knows that there are more important things to focus on right now. When she was brought to Polis, as soon as she saw Lexa rise from her throne, she felt every single little thing she had ever felt for her punch her right in the gut. At the time, she thought that was the _last_ thing she needed.

Now, she knows that she was wrong. Seeing Lexa in a _dress_ is the last thing she needs.

When Clarke first bumps into her, she doesn’t even know who it is until she sees her face. It takes Clarke a minute to rein in everything she’s feeling, but once she does, she realises that she’s making polite conversation with Lexa for the first time since arriving in Polis. She doesn’t know what it means, but she’s sure it can’t be a bad thing.

If she no longer feels the need to yell (or spit) at Lexa, then it has to be a good thing, right?

Maybe the dresses weren’t such a bad idea after all.

Walking through the doors to the summit, she knows all eyes are on her, but the only eyes she searches for are her mother’s. She’s nervous, and she knows that seeing her mother’s face will put her at ease. Then, her eyes meet Lexa’s at the end of the room. She’s standing tall and proud, and Clarke suddenly feels even more anxious.

Once Clarke approaches her, Lexa doesn’t give a single emotion away in her facial expressions. The look in her eyes is enough for Clarke to know that she’s doing the right thing by her people. Even if she doesn’t completely trust Lexa’s intentions, she knows that her people will be safe, at the very least.

The nod that the two of them share at the end of the ceremony is significant to Clarke for many reasons. Lexa knows that Clarke is doing her a huge favour just by being there, and Clarke knows that Lexa is trying to earn her trust again. She then learns that her people were attacked by the Ice Nation. Now, more than ever, she needs to step up in her role as a leader. With Lexa’s help, now she can.

As she heads to the war council meeting with Lexa, Clarke doesn’t know if she’s falling into a trap by trusting her again. However, a large, and clearly very destructive part of her is desperate to find out.

\------

Lexa has never bowed before anyone before.

Not while she’s been Commander, at least. The last person she bowed for was Anya, before her Conclave, right before she found out she had been chosen as Commander. Ever since then, everybody in the Woods Clan has bowed to her. Once she united all twelve clans and became the Commander of the Coalition, everyone else was at her feet too.

She hasn’t bowed for anyone in years, yet nothing feels more right than when she does it for Clarke.

The look on Clarke’s face makes all the puzzle pieces fit into place. Clarke’s look of realisation and awe when she discovers that Lexa’s promises are sincere is a huge relief to the Commander. She feels safe making vows to Clarke, because she knows any emotion that she outwardly displays is safe with her. Things have understandably been tense between them from the start, but now, it feels like they’re both on even ground. That’s all Lexa wants. She can finally start to rebuild the damage that she’s done to Clarke.

As they both stand at full height, looking each other in the eyes, Lexa feels a familiar stirring inside of her. She then realises that Clarke isn’t making a move to let go of her hand. Lexa takes advantage of the moment, shifting so that it was her hand holding Clarke’s.

“Tell me what you need,” Lexa says, her voice quiet as she gives Clarke’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“That _was_ what I needed…” Clarke replies as if she’s still slightly in awe. “Just your support.”

“Consider it done,” Lexa whispers without hesitation. If all Clarke needs is her reassurance and support, then she’ll give it to her in a heartbeat. There’s nothing she won’t do to prove her sincerity.

Clarke lets her hand slip out of Lexa’s. “Lexa…”

“No,” Lexa shakes her head, not wanting to hear any protests. “There’s nothing to say, Clarke.”

Regardless, Clarke pushes on. “You don’t bow to anyone, Lexa. You’re the _Commander_. Of me, of everyone else.”

“I’d do it for you.” Lexa’s claim is bold, but her voice is soft. “I _did_ it for you. You deserve more than to be known as just Wanheda.”

“All you’ve done while I’ve been here is refer to me as Wanheda,” Clarke argues.

Lexa steps forward. “In front of my _people_ , Clarke.” She insists. “I would never refer to you as Wanheda when we’re alone. I’ve never seen you as the Commander of Death. I know who you are. We are equals, and I have always seen it that way. We may not be equal in the eyes of my people, but to me, we are one and the same.”

“You never needed me to bow to you…” Clarke murmurs, as more of a statement than a question.

“No,” Lexa replies gently. “I trust you. Bowing was only a formality for the Ice Nation and the other clans. That is why I bowed back. I respect you, Clarke, and I believe you deserve a lasting promise.”

Clarke feels her heart constrict at Lexa’s words. She knows she shouldn’t be feeling this way so soon. Clarke’s silently been hoping that she would have more time before these feelings bubbled up to the surface again. She can’t allow herself to feel this way until she absolutely trusts Lexa, and she isn’t sure how long that’s going to take take, or if it’s even going to happen at all. Letting out a heavy sigh, she tilts her head towards the door. “Walk with me?”

Lexa nods slowly, letting Clarke pass and following her out the room. She takes cautious steps next to the blonde, wanting to keep up but not wanting to rush. She doesn’t want — or need — to be the Commander in these situations. She can just be Lexa. Over the past three months, she’s almost forgotten what that felt like. Clarke brings it out of her so easily.

Clarke is no longer hostile towards her, and just walking beside her gives Lexa a sense of comfort. All she wants is to prove to Clarke that she’s trustworthy and sincere, and she knows she’s on the right track.

The two of them come to a stop outside Clarke’s room. Clarke moves to face Lexa, but it it’s clear there’s something on her mind by the way she avoids Lexa’s eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” Lexa asks, and she wonders if she even wants to know the answer.

“The last time we faced a war together,” Clarke says softly, her eyes lifting to meet Lexa’s. “It feels like a lifetime ago.”

Lexa nods, trying to ignore the blush that’s creeping up her neck. The last time they had faced war together, Lexa had kissed her. Not only that, but she had confessed some semblance of feelings for her. Everything had changed after that, and the topic of feelings is still very much up in the air. It’s clear neither one of them wants to bring it up either. “We have a more united front this time,” Lexa assures her. “Our alliance is the tightest it could possibly be. You are bound to us. One of us.”

Clarke sighs heavily. “I hope you’re right.”

As Clarke looks at her, Lexa can feel that something is wrong. It’s as if Clarke wants to say something but isn’t quite sure how to get the words out. She’s biting her lower lip and her eyes are fraught with worry. Lexa waits patiently, hoping that she will say what was on her mind without needing a push.

Luckily for Lexa, she does. “…I’m sorry, Lexa.”

Lexa isn’t expecting an apology. She opens her mouth, then shuts it again. She’s lost for words. “Clarke, you have nothing…” She lets out a breath. “What for?”

“The way I behaved when we first saw each other again. In your throne room.” Clarke almost looks guilty. “I never meant to disrespect you in the way that I did.”

“You were angry,” Lexa allows. Although nobody else would have been able to get away with what Clarke had done, she forgives her. She would always forgive her. “I deserved it.”

“You deserved my anger, yes.” Clarke agrees with a nod. “I know I had the right to be angry at you, but… I went too far with my actions, and I’m sorry.”

Although Lexa doesn’t want to accept her apology, because she really doesn’t need it, she wants to respect Clarke’s wishes. If Clarke wants to apologise to her, then she will let her. She nods once in acknowledgement, not being able to help her expression softening as she looks at Clarke. “It’s been nice having you around again, Clarke.”

Clarke’s lip twitches upwards slightly. “When I’m not spitting at you, you mean.”

“Well… yes.” Lexa replies, giving her a quick, tight-lipped smile. “I do prefer it when you don’t do that.”

Clarke stays silent for a moment, studying Lexa’s face closely. “Are you afraid? Of what the Ice Nation might do…?”

Lexa frowns. “It would be naïve of me to _not_ be afraid.” She would never admit such a weakness to anyone else, but she can always trust her feelings with Clarke. And she will keep her safe, no matter what it takes. Queen Nia is after both herself and Wanheda, and Lexa’s going to do her best to make sure Clarke makes it out of this war alive.

Clarke reaches over, taking Lexa’s hand in her own again. At this point, it’s like a reflex; like it’s the only way Clarke knows how to reassure Lexa at the moment. She gives it a quick squeeze. “If you were able to create peace between the clans last time, then you’ll find a way to do it again. Everybody around here speaks so highly of you.” She nods. “If you make your people believe in you, then there’s nothing you can’t do.”

“Thank you,” Lexa murmurs, her eyes travelling down to their hands. Lexa knows she isn’t worthy of Clarke’s words. Lexa knows she isn’t worthy of _Clarke_. Lexa thinks that’s the hardest part about loving her.

“Have a good night, Lexa. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Clarke says, holding Lexa’s gaze for as long as she can before turning around and entering her bedroom. She drops Lexa’s hand as she goes.

“Tomorrow,” Lexa promises quietly, but she’s sure Clarke can no longer hear her.


End file.
